


this moment with you (and our piano)

by nanaview



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Lots of narration, M/M, Pining, chenle plays piano
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:22:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28731141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanaview/pseuds/nanaview
Summary: Chenle reunites with his childhood friend after seven years, bringing back the feelings he long abandoned with the brown piano that used to be their place.
Relationships: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57
Collections: Love Dream 2020





	this moment with you (and our piano)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YumeNoHoshi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeNoHoshi/gifts).



> To Lo: I've always wanted to contribute more Chenle fics and I got the perfect opportunity with this lovely prompt❤ I'm still not used to writing, and this is my first time joining a fic exchange or any event for that matter, but I hope you like it still :))
> 
> To Vee: Thank you for beta-reading and for your kind words ;; I really appreciate all your help!

The small plump lips that form a meek smile. The dark brown hair that looks soft to the touch. And the deep sincere gaze behind round glasses, from the same eyes that haunts his memories throughout these years.

Without a doubt, it’s  _ him _ .

-

Chenle first met the boy in the summer when they were eleven. They were neighbors. 

Their doorbell rang one afternoon and Chenle, who was bored out of his wits playing the piano inside their house, rushed to the entrance with a wish of finding something, anything exciting behind the large wooden door. To much of his surprise, he’s greeted by a young boy shorter than he was with long brown hair that practically covered his eyes.

The moment then was the cue for introductions but instead, the two kids stared at each other for far too long, with Chenle busy looking for the boy’s eyes beneath his hair and the boy being stuck frozen on the spot, too nervous to utter even a single word.

Eventually, the boy did manage to speak. “Um,” he started with a shaky voice before he took a deep breath to gain the courage he needed, as if bravery appeared from thin air.

“Do you want to be my friend?” He raised his chin looking dead straight into Chenle’s eyes with visibly shaky resolve.

Chenle would never forget the image of the boy at that moment. The boy was trembling and his hands had formed into fists at his sides. His lips were pursed, cheeks were flushed and his eyes, they glistened with unshed tears. The boy was positively on the verge of crying like he would be devastated if Chenle rejected him. But neither pathetic nor pitiful was the word that popped on Chenle’s mind when the boy looked at him then.

The boy was simply cute.

And Chenle, the mischievous kid that he was, decided to toy with him. He smirked saying, “You’re lame, what if I don’t want to?”

But Chenle’s plan backfired the moment he replied. He had planned to say it was a joke right away but how could he when the boy fainted faster than he could take the words back. The poor boy was so tense that Chenle’s silly insult had caused him to lose all his pent up energy and kiss the hard flat ground.

It was quite the traumatic first encounter for the both of them. Chenle broke down saying he killed a person, but his parents thankfully came to the rescue to explain that the boy is in fact not dead so his hands were clean.

They moved the boy inside the house and let the boy’s parents know the situation. When the boy woke up on Chenle’s bed that night, Chenle had finally promised to be his friend, saying he wouldn’t pull any more pranks. It was at that moment when Chenle first saw a smile prettier than his own. If he had known the boy would light up so much from being his friend, then he wouldn’t have messed with him from the start. 

He wanted to see it more, he wanted to know until when he would get tired of that gummy smile, so he made the boy another promise. They promised to stay by each other’s side from then on. And it truly was the beginning of their precious bond.

Every day in those two months, the boy would pay him a visit to play. They would watch movies, compete in video games, make obnoxious jokes, tell childish stories. The boy matched Chenle well, and even if they sometimes didn’t when they would bicker for hours, the time they spent would still be the most fun he had in all the eleven years he had lived.

Chenle’s favorite hour with the boy was when the afternoon sun basked on their living room through the wide glass wall which flaunts their backyard. It was supposed to be rather sad because it signaled the end of their day, but it was also the time when they were at peace sitting together behind the big brown piano at the corner of the room.

It was the time when Chenle would play him a song, any piece that came to mind, any tune that best represented his thoughts about that exact moment they shared. It was like Chenle found a new vigor in playing the piano the day the boy stepped into his life. Piano became exciting again when it had started turning into a chore for Chenle after years and years of practice.

In that moment they shared behind the big brown piano, eleven year old Chenle was the happiest in playing the liveliest and fastest of songs, and the most melodic and comforting of tunes. While the boy beside him, he would look at him with such sincere amazement and overflowing affection. The boy would beam like Chenle hung the stars. 

Chenle figured he should be used to the attention, being a prodigy in piano, he thought it shouldn’t be a big deal. But the boy was special. Chenle found himself feeling giddy and happier at every compliment from the boy than from the thousand claps of esteemed guests when he was on stage. Chenle found himself enjoying the piano much more when the boy was beside him than he ever did since he started playing at the age of five. He decided then that rather than playing for a mass of strangers, he would play for only one person if it’s him.

Chenle realized in the summer when they were eleven that he fell in love. But just as he realized, his love ended. The boy moved away on the last day of that summer without a trace and much less a farewell.

Eleven year old Chenle played a sad tune that night before he never played again.

-

Chenle is eighteen now, a senior in high school. His limbs longer, his features sharper, his voice deeper. He’s far more mature than that silly child with a stupid puppy love from seven years ago. In fact, he cringes at the thought that he was so heartbroken over some boy and how he gave up everything just because said boy left.

He worked so hard all these years to bury his feelings and those memories. At some point, he had even considered if he would be better off getting amnesia. Ultimately time heals him, or so he convinces himself despite the pain in his chest every time his eyes land on the dusty brown piano that used to be their place. Because the pain doesn’t matter now when it’s been too long to hope his love will ever come back.

“Pay attention class, today you will be having a new classmate.”

Chenle’s ears perk at the teacher’s announcement. It’s uncommon that someone would transfer in the middle of the semester but he guesses people have their reasons. Whatever those reasons are, he thinks it’s likely that this new classmate moves schools frequently given their schedule of transferring. Now Chenle is quite the friendly guy and he would gladly welcome new faces, but it’s better to not get attached if that’s the case. It’s better that way if he does not want to repeat his past.

_ Still, what are the odds that it’s gonna be him? _

He does that. Every time someone new is introduced to class, he would have the tiniest wish in his heart that it would be him, and each time, he would get disappointed despite knowing it’s better that way. It’s better that they never cross paths ever again. It’s better to give up and truly move on.

The teacher gestures someone to enter the room. He holds his breath. 

A tall figure appears. It’s a guy, he’s quite the nervous body with the awkward walk and less than confident stature. His eyes are glued to the ground but the moment he lifts his head to introduce himself, Chenle has truly forgotten to breathe.

“Hi I’m Park Jisung, I’ll be your classmate starting today. Let’s get along well!”

It’s really  _ him _ .

Chenle thinks this is some sick game. The gods, fate or whoever and whatever controls this world must be laughing at him right at that moment.

His heartbeat quickens. Suddenly, a million emotions wash over him in the mere seconds where he watches the boy, Park Jisung, walk over to his seat at the back of the room, passing by him with a look that shows recognition. A look soon followed by the same fond look he would give Chenle when they were kids. Jisung remembers.

Chenle still feels anger from when Jisung left just to waltz back in his life like it was nothing. He feels embarrassment from still being hung up about him after all these years. He even feels madness about the entire situation unfolding before his eyes. But out of all the emotions, it’s relief which takes over his being. Because Jisung is back. Jisung is here with him again.

Their eyes meet once more during break. Jisung approaches him then.

He prepares his heart. He can’t let his nerves take over. He determinedly looks at his desk as he feels a presence emerge near him. Jisung coughs beside where he’s seated.

“Um, do you want to be my friend?” Jisung asks, his now  _ very _ deep voice hints a smile and his hand is reached out for him to shake, so different from the boy who fainted at their doorstep seven years ago.

It makes Chenle huff a laugh and he looks up at him then. “What if I don’t want to? You gonna faint again?”

Jisung flinches at the embarrassing memory.

“Okay nevermind.”

He turns to leave with a blushing face. Chenle doesn’t let him, grabbing his arm a little too desperate and pulling Jisung a little too hard to both of their surprise.

They stare at each other for longer than necessary, like they did when they first met, but with a new tension in the air from all the years Jisung was gone. It takes a minute that feels like an eternity before Chenle smiles softly at Jisung, and with a warm voice he says, “Welcome back idiot.”

-

Chenle accepts Jisung into his life again as easily as that. Jisung clicks well with Chenle’s current group of friends so they hang out during break and after class. Even on the way to school, they spend time together because Jisung moved back to his old house next door. They catch up on a lot of stuff in their lives like the time Chenle got a Switch as a gift for his middle school graduation, or how Jisung’s eyesight became bad because of playing video games too much.

Slowly but surely, Jisung is once again filling up a huge space in Chenle's life. He’s happy that Jisung is back but it scares him. He’s afraid of being too attached to Jisung, even more than when they were kids, that he’ll end up being so broken when he walks away a second time. Chenle still can’t forgive Jisung for leaving without a word, and he makes sure Jisung knows that, making jabs and side comments about their past here and there.

Jisung explains one day that his family really does move a lot and he simply didn’t have time to say goodbye to Chenle back then.

“Whatever, you’re still wrong and you broke our promise.” Chenle, who’s sitting across Jisung at the cafeteria table, sticks his tongue out and gives him a stink eye.

“I know and I’m sorry,” Jisung takes a bite of his lunch, “but do you have to be so petty?”

That hits Chenle the wrong way. He stops eating. He knows Jisung’s comment wasn’t serious. He knows what he said was just true to the way they are with each other, with how unfiltered they are. But it  _ really  _ hurts.

Chenle scoffs. “Oh so was me hurting when you left just pettiness to you?” He means to express the remark with annoyance just as he always does, but this time, he fails to mask the pain. It catches Jisung off-guard but before he could say anything, Chenle rushes out of the cafeteria.

He runs and runs till he’s out of breath. He runs while rubbing the tears off his face. 

_ Stupid Jisung. Why did I have to fall for you when we were kids? _

He stops just as he reaches the back of the school.

_ Why do I have to love you even after all this time? _

He sat on the ground for a couple of minutes before Jisung arrived. Jisung was as slow and unathletic as when they were kids despite having a better build than Chenle now. Jisung kneels in front of him, struggling to catch his breath.

“We both know you suck at running so you didn’t have to chase me here.” Chenle doesn’t meet Jisung’s eyes, but he has calmed down thanks to the few minutes it took for Jisung to arrive.

Jisung brushes his hair in frustration. Chenle could feel that he’s staring intently at him.

“What I said before was out of line, I’m so-”

“What am I even supposed to do with your apologies?”

“Ah Chenle,” he whines, “hear me out first.”

He continues, “I was a bad friend, I left you when I promised I wouldn’t. And even if I needed to leave, I shouldn’t have done that without saying a word. I never understood how much I hurt you.”

“I was hurt too but more than that, I was determined to meet you again. You didn’t have that certainty and that’s my fault for not telling you. But I’m here now, I want to try again. I want us to be better than our past so please give me a chance.”

Somewhere along Jisung’s speech, Chenle finds himself looking back into his small pleading eyes. What Jisung doesn’t know is that Chenle never removed that chance from him. Chenle had always been waiting, he was always hoping for Jisung to take the chance to make things right again. Time never healed him in the way where he wanted to move on. Time made him realize that past the resentment he was desperately trying to hold onto, he was truly longing for Jisung more and more each day.

So what should he even say in this moment when his answer has always been so obvious.

Chenle bites his lip to prevent himself from tearing up from how Jisung has been so sincere to him. He can’t. He stands up to turn his back. “Okay,” he mumbles while discreetly wiping his tears. Jisung stands up as well.

Chenle faces him then. “I expect nothing less than being treated like a king,” he says in an attempt to come off as threatening despite his flushed cheeks and teary eyes.

Jisung just chuckles at him stepping closer in his space. He wipes a stray tear and looks at Chenle with a fond smile gracing his lips.

He says something, but Chenle misses it, for the ringing in his ears and the beating of his heart were becoming too loud to even comprehend just how deep he had fallen for the boy standing in front him.

-

Weeks passed and Jisung, true to his words, really did treat Chenle like a king.

It was great at first. Chenle gets to boss Jisung around for trivial stuff and he wouldn’t complain. He would make Jisung carry his bag a few times, ask for a massage after PE class, and make him give a piggyback ride when moving classrooms. On their way home, he would ask Jisung to buy a snack he’s been craving every now and then, as well as make him wipe his face after eating said snack. He would even demand Jisung to stay after class to help with his duties as the class representative. Jisung would get annoyed, biting his cheek and faking a smile every time he’s given mountains of paperworks that he’s not really responsible for.

It was certainly an amusing time for Chenle but at some point, he actually stopped giving orders, feeling bad about making Jisung do unnecessary things and thinking that a few weeks is enough for him to enjoy the treatment.

Jisung didn’t stop though, he went far beyond what Chenle expected of him. Something shifted in Jisung and he became so diligent that his actions are no longer good for Chenle’s heart. 

Jisung not only continues to do the usual errands like carrying Chenle’s bag and wiping dirt off his face, but he also starts paying a lot more attention. He notices when Chenle is having an off-day so he treats him food after class. He remembers Chenle’s favorite snacks and buys it for him during reviews. He knows Chenle likes getting compliments so he’s sure to tell him he’s doing a great job every chance he gets.

He fixes Chenle’s hair. He reminds him to rest. He greets him in the morning. He texts him goodnight. He never fails to walk him from and back home since the day they met again. Above everything else, he makes Chenle fall deeper and deeper than he could ever imagine in all the years he has longed for him.

Chenle is quite thoroughly fucked, he realizes one fine day after class. He feels himself slipping closer to the hands of death because of Jisung, with all the rapid heartbeats, the butterflies in his stomach, and all other abnormalities in his bodily functions in the past weeks.

He ruffles his hair and sighs.  _ I don’t even know what to do with these feelings. _

“Are you okay?” asks the source of all his problems in life.

“Of course, I am. Let’s just hurry home.”

Jisung narrows his eyes at him. It’s obvious he’s not convinced, Chenle doesn’t even have the energy to make himself believable. Thankfully, Jisung doesn’t respond. He actually just pouts but they resume walking in silence anyway.

It gives Chenle the opportunity to fill his head with thoughts of Jisung again and whatever is going on between them. But Jisung interrupts.

“Uh Chenle.” He grabs the sleeves of Chenle’s sweater, and Chenle refuses to acknowledge how wild his heart has become over the simple gesture. They stop just before they turn the corner to their street.

“Jisung.”

“I was thinking if I could come over to your house? You know, just like old times.”

Chenle is taken aback, all the messy thoughts are put to a halt. “Eh? We’ve been walking together for more than a month and you never came over,” he laughs, “I can’t believe this.”

He reaches for Jisung’s hand, momentarily forgetting the feeling of consciousness as he drags Jisung all the way to his home while sharing the warmth between their palms, and not at all noticing the growing redness of the other’s skin.

“Make yourself at home like always, nothing’s really changed much.”

Their hands separate, it’s Jisung who let go first. “Are your parents not home?”

“Yeah, they’re as busy as ever,” Chenle answers, feigning ignorance to the coldness of his now empty hand.

He watches as Jisung scans the living room, eyes filled with a sense of nostalgia while he relives the memories from the summer when they were eleven. There are sparks in his eyes when he turns to the corner of the room, Chenle knows then that they landed on the dusty brown piano, the remains of what was once their safe place.

They approach it. “I don’t play anymore,” Chenle tries to inform with nonchalance as Jisung absentmindedly glides his fingers on the keys. Jisung hums, the revelation not at all shocking to him given the state of the piano.

“Why? You love piano,” he turns to Chenle with a serious look, “didn’t you say you’ll conquer the world with your passion.”

“Correction, that was you and,” he lightly punches Jisung’s arm, “why would you say something so cringey at our age.” Chenle looks at him with disgust making Jisung drop the serious act to laugh at his face. It earns him repeated smacks at his arm.

“Ow, you loved it when we were kids though,” Jisung says in between laughter.

“Well, we’re no longer kids are we?” Chenle retorts in between punches.

Jisung stops laughing at the comment and grabs Chenle’s wrist pulling him too close for comfort. He gazes deeply into Chenle’s eyes. His actions make Chenle hyper aware of the distance or lack thereof between them, of the warmth creeping on his wrist, of how much taller Jisung is compared to him, of the way the afternoon sun basks on his handsome features, and most of all, of the reality behind his own words.

“Yeah, we aren’t,” Jisung says after a moment of silence in the deep voice that sends shivers down Chenle’s spine.

His grip tightens on Chenle’s wrist. “But in all seriousness, why don’t you play the piano anymore?” Chenle recognizes the pleading tone in his voice.

“Like I said, we aren’t kids anymore so I don’t have the time and eventually, I just dropped it. It’s nothing to be serious about, it’s normal,” he settles with a lie. Jisung deflates with his answer, loosening the grip on his wrist enough for him to pull off.

“I see.”

“Yeah.”

Jisung sits behind the piano. Chenle follows. Neither looks at each other. “I just thought you’ll be playing the piano forever,” he chuckles, “Back then, I thought, for a boy as young as I was, you already found something worth doing for the rest of your life.”

“What made you think that?”

“You didn’t know?”

Chenle faces him with an annoyed look. “I wouldn’t be asking you if I did.”

Jisung smiles to himself. “Chenle, when you play the piano, you make a face that says you wouldn’t change that moment for the world. Every time you’re sitting here is like you’re living the best time of your life. You were happy.” He pauses.

“You,” he meets Chenle’s eyes, “You were beautiful.”

Chenle could cry at this moment, he really  _ truly _ has it deep for Jisung. If there would be a tipping point to the overflowing emotions brewing inside him, it would be the very second when those words left Jisung’s lips. It should be. Chenle so badly wants to give in to his feelings, he wants to just let go of every doubt in his mind and express how much he’s been wanting Jisung all this time.

He can’t though. He’s not going to allow himself to be more vulnerable than he already is towards Jisung. His doubts are here for a reason, he must protect himself from getting hurt again after settling their past. He can’t risk ruining their present with his selfishness, with the love for his friend that runs deeper than it should.

As he looks into Jisung’s eyes, as he feels the hotness of his surroundings, and as he gets more and more suffocated from the tension that’s reaching its max, he thinks:

_ Ah it really is too much to bear. _

Chenle then says in a voice lighter than whisper, “Okay.”

“Huh-”

He whacks Jisung’s head, making him face his front. “I said okay, I’ll play for you so,” he continues with a softer voice, “stop doing that.”

“You will?” Jisung lights up with excitement with the same face he made as a child. He didn’t change. Chenle is no different with the giddiness in his chest.

He reaches for Jisung’s hair and promptly turns it into a nest. “Hey just because I don’t play anymore, doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten how to play.”.

Chenle lets go, paying no mind to Jisung’s remarks about the mess he made. He faces the dusty brown piano he once abandoned, delicately placing his fingers on the dirty white keys as if he could hurt it again, as if he’s silently apologizing for leaving, as if the piano could even feel the same way he did after all those years. He takes a deep breath.

Eighteen year old Chenle plays the piano again.

Chenle decides on a comforting tune, one that should envelope them in warmth. It’s his favorite piece to play whenever Jisung visits him seven years ago. It’s not a challenging song per se where he could flex and hone his skills, he just likes to play it for the vibes. Jisung also likes the song back then, and his hums tell Chenle that he remembers.

The reason Chenle chose this song is to calm his raging heart, to bring back the familiar comfort in their conversation. Piano should be able to help him control his emotions, to suppress. He shouldn’t tread in dangerous waters like how he chooses a simple and enjoyable piece. He shouldn’t be too selfish, too impatient, if he doesn’t want to ruin the mood, the nice tempo they have right now. He shouldn’t get too full of himself thinking Jisung could possibly like him back if doesn’t want to make any more mistakes. He really shouldn’t.

But he does make a mistake.

For the first time since he was eight, Chenle marvelously hit the wrong note. It takes him out of his reverie. It takes both of them out of the little bubble that had formed from the comfort of the song. It brings silence between them.

Chenle hears a snort. “Don’t you dare start.”

Jisung doesn’t listen. He shakes uncontrollably on the seat with the laughter he failed to contain.

“Zhong Chenle, child prodigy in piano,” he wipes a tear, “makes a huge blunder in front of my eyes.” He wheezes nearly falling off the chair. Chenle holds the urge to push him off once and for all.

“It means I’m human, you jerk,” Chenle retorts rolling his eyes.

“No, that’s what you get for quitting.”

“I’d like to see you do better than me.”

“As a matter of fact, I did try to learn the piano after we moved,” Jisung smugly says.

Chenle raises his eyebrow at that. “Oh? Well why don’t you do the honor and teach me how it’s done then.” He smiles sarcastically sweetly at Jisung to which the other obliges too confidently for Chenle’s liking.

When Jisung starts playing though, Chenle promptly stops him.

“Who learns to play the piano with two fingers?” He asks incredulously. Chenle has never been so offended in his entire life.

“It’s a style, don’t bother me.”  _ This idiot. _

Chenle decides to watch Jisung struggle to make music for a good minute before he couldn’t take it anymore. He runs to his room, turns it upside down finding his old music sheets, and runs back to the piano, slapping Jisung’s hands off of it.

“I’m teaching you myself, whoever taught you that is a disgrace to music,” he grumbles while taking his spot next to Jisung.

They spend the rest of the afternoon like that. From the music sheets Chenle hands him, Jisung chooses to learn ‘A Whole New World’ and Chenle teaches him with all his might. Chenle scolds him a lot for not doing the proper hand position while Jisung complains a lot because he thinks Chenle’s being too hard on him. Eventually Jisung succeeds in playing the chorus just as the afternoon almost turns to night. It’s a relief for Chenle that Jisung knows how to read musical notes in the first place or else, with the bickering that happens every few minutes, they wouldn’t have finished the session before dinner.

Jisung plays the same set of notes over and over again. It’s sickeningly obvious how happy he is for succeeding, but Chenle has already gotten tired of listening to the song on repeat.

“Yeah yeah you finally got it, we’re done here so stop playing and go back home. I need to clean this too.”

“Wait! Just one last time?” Jisung shows him a gummy smile. It takes every bit of energy in Chenle’s being to stop himself from cooing. Instead, he makes an exaggerated sigh, “Fine.”

Chenle watches him play in the room now almost devoid of the sun’s light. It’s slow and choppy but it’s good enough to know what the song is. He observes Jisung’s shaky hands then his eyes trail to his arms until he reaches his face. Being so focused is a good look on Jisung. Chenle doesn’t even notice the tiny smile he makes as he takes in all the details of Jisung’s face, from the knitted eyebrows, the nose scrunch, the glasses sliding off his nose, and the lips that sometimes turn into a pout and other times are pursed.

Chenle is so captivated by Jisung that he doesn’t notice the song end. He only realizes when Jisung turns to him, eyes full of bliss with a smile as wide as it can be. At that moment, only one thought popped on Chenle’s mind.

_ Oh. _

_ Is this what he means by beautiful? _

He doesn’t give himself a moment to think things through, not even a minute to backtrack, and a second to doubt. He gives in. He lets go. He loses all control.

He’s at the tipping point.

Chenle grabs Jisung by the collar, and kisses him hard and full on the lips.

Everything is still at first. He had closed his eyes just as their lips touch, afraid of whatever expression Jisung would make. It starts with just a peck, an awkward and long one. One that’s not nearly enough to convey all the emotions rushing out of him, so he moves. He moves in any way he feels, like the inexperienced teen he is. He makes a real kiss, desperately sucking Jisung’s lower lip, slowly tilting his head to the side, hoping the action would get his message across.

It takes several seconds of the lack of response when Chenle starts coming back to his senses, regretting everything he’s done. He feels his hand grabbing the collar starting to shake along with his breath. He feels the tears threatening to escape his closed eyes.

Then, he feels a warm hand gently holding his shaking one, and another caressing face. There’s a response. He gets pulled closer, deeper into the kiss, and he loses all his thoughts once more.

Jisung is kissing him back. Chenle’s desperate attempt for a kiss is given back to him with the same desperation. Jisung sucks his upper lip, tilts to the opposite side, and matches his pace. They move their bodies closer and closer to each other that Chenle would’ve fallen from the chair if it weren’t for Jisung’s hand that moved to support his back. They just continue kissing, barely parting to take a breath. Chenle removes Jisung’s glasses and latches onto him like he’s saying he doesn’t want this moment to stop.

Everything is surreal. It’s intoxicating. It’s too much for Chenle’s poor heart but at the same time, it’s all he ever wanted. It leads him to believe that perhaps there’s hope for the stupid puppy love he has treasured all these years.

Suddenly, he feels warm tears drop on his cheeks.

It’s not his.

It takes him out of the moment. Chenle pushes Jisung off. His eyes open to the sight of Jisung’s crying face. It’s as if a cold bucket of water was poured down his spine. He’s been too full of himself.

_ What have I done? _ “Jisung I’m-”

“I’m sorry Chenle.” He apologizes between hiccups. “I’m- I’m just gonna go.” He snatches his stuff and runs out, leaving Chenle behind in the darkness of his living room.

Chenle couldn’t even blink, much less make a sound from how fast the events turned against him. Or perhaps everything is against his favor from the start, and he just chooses to turn a blind eye, letting his desires consume him, blind him from the mess he’s diving into. It’s his fault for wanting the satisfaction he could never have, for wanting to be more than just friends. 

He should’ve given up for the sake of their friendship if he wanted to. There was no reason for him to keep the burning of his love alive with the risk of getting hurt, but as it turns out, it pains him more to pretend his feelings aren’t here. Chenle simply sighs and resigns to wiping the tears Jisung left that have now mixed with his.

Eighteen year old Chenle plays a sad tune that night, the same when he was eleven, but this time, he doesn’t stop playing. He plays all night until he falls asleep on the piano he could no longer leave behind.

-

“Why did you kiss me last night?”

Chenle slams his hand on the wall at the corner of the corridor, encasing Jisung and ensuring no chance of escape to talk things out. Jisung stares bewilderedly. It has only been a little more than 12 hours since the kiss. It isn’t even enough time for the both of them to cure the swelling of their eyes. Yet, there they are, stuck at the end of the hallway, having the inevitable confrontation even before class starts.

Jisung looks everywhere but his eyes. “Chenle,” he starts warily, “ _ you’re _ the one who kissed  _ me _ .”

“But you,” Chenle leans closer, “You kissed me back. Why?” There’s an uncharacteristic tremble to Chenle’s voice as he speaks the question that has lulled him to sleep from the night before.

Jisung is silent. He bites his lip, a troubled expression paints his face. “What do you mean why?” He groans and practically begs while struggling to remove Chenle’s arm, “Please just let me go.”

“No!” It startles Jisung. “No, I’m not letting you go. Not again,” he weakly says.

Ugly tears stream down Chenle’s face just when he thought he was done crying.

He had woken up that morning facing the cursed piano that caused him so much pain, but in the long hours when he continuously played last night, he realized one important thing. That cursed piano is still what it is, it’s still the haven of his precious memories, of his treasured moments with the cursed boy named Jisung.

Along with his grief and low points are the countless moments of glee and excitement from the unforgettable two months of his childhood. Much more recently, it also became the place where he had his first kiss from the same cursed boy who he grew to love.

Realizing all these took him back to that very moment, of how he kissed Jisung, of how Jisung kissed him back, of how Jisung cried and ran away. There it had a missing piece, it begged the question  _ why _ . Chenle knew why he did what he did but what of Jisung’s intentions and reactions?

_ That _ was the uncertainty he needed to hope again despite all the pain. It cleared him of the dark murky thoughts that had begun plaguing his mind. It was only a sliver of hope, a tiny possibility of a happy ending or maybe even a sad resolution, but what’s clear was that’s not yet the end for his love. For seven years, Chenle had always been one to cling to the slimmest of chances about Jisung, no matter what odds fate stacked against him, and he can’t give up on that chance now.

If there’s anything different from the past, it’s that Chenle no longer settles for waiting. His hope gives him a new found bravery and rush of adrenaline that caused the early confrontation at the corridor of their school, an impulsive action that he soon regrets as all the energy dissipated by the minute. He had bared his soul, he said he’s not letting Jisung go, and now he’s on the verge of breaking down as if showing he’s not truly strong enough to hold on.

The bell rings and it takes away the last of his courage. Chenle fails to do anything. With a defeated sigh, he removes the arm that was trapping Jisung.

And he’s pulled away.

Jisung is tightly grabbing the hand he was desperately trying to get rid off just a few minutes ago. “What are you doing? Jisung, we have class.”

“We’re not done talking are we?” Jisung says, decidedly not looking back at Chenle while he drags him all the way to the back of the school.

“ _ Now _ you want to talk?” Chenle takes his arm back when they reach the place. He’s still crying, but he’s trying to come off as annoyed more than anything.

Jisung stands about a meter in front of him, hesitating about something. Before Chenle could question what’s his deal, Jisung hurriedly closes their gap to reach for Chenle’s face and wipe his wet cheeks.

It just makes Chenle want to cry more. They’re fighting, they have a misunderstanding, but there goes Jisung still treating him with utmost care in spite of everything. Chenle could never stop the swelling of his heart over the smallest of Jisung’s actions. It overwhelms him.

“Knock it off,” he snaps, brushing off the hands that were gently holding him, “Just say what you want to say, just answer my question.  _ Why _ did you kiss me back?” He looks dead straight into Jisung’s eyes with his fiery ones. Jisung doesn’t back away from his stare, but he does take a long while to answer.

He’s deep in his thoughts like he’s looking for the right words to say.

Or perhaps he has always known the right words, and he’s truly just mustering up the courage to finally speak them out loud at the right moment in time.

He closes his eyes like he couldn’t bear to stare any longer at Chenle’s pitiful state.

Or perhaps he too is just afraid of whatever expression Chenle would make when he releases the words he had been meaning to bury deep inside his chest.

“Chenle.” The characteristic shaky voice takes them way back. His hands ball into fists at his sides and Jisung takes a deep breath, searching for the long lost bravery in thin air.

“What else could it mean if not ‘I love you’?”

Chenle stops breathing.

The sight of Jisung, his childhood friend, his stupid puppy love, the boy he's been longing for seven years, blushing like a fool and professing  _ his _ love for  _ him _ has rendered Chenle unable to function in any sense of the word. His entire world stills, every thought about everything else is put to a halt, his mind revolving only around the center that is Jisung and the words that had shaken his whole being to the core.

He could have understood it wrong, but no, he knows what he heard. Then, it might not have been real. It has to be a dream. He must've been hallucinating. He must've gone crazy. Chenle wants to slap himself awake, wants to slap Jisung too if he's in his right mind. There’s no way a dream this good is real.

A single drop of tears is shed. It’s a slow start, barely noticeable for anyone, but it makes a mark that slaps him back to reality, leaving him as confused as the night before. Chenle has yet to know why Jisung cried during the kiss, but Jisung begins crying before him again, trembling like he's so afraid and in pain. The familiar sight shatters the dream that was too good to be real and his heart along with it.

“So why are you crying like it pains you to say all these?” Chenle asks with only a whisper of his voice. The brief moment of happiness turns confusion morphs into worry and gut-wrenching pain as Chenle takes in Jisung’s messy state. 

“I’m just sorry, I’m sorry for these feelings,” he struggles to say between sobs.

“Jisung, I don’t understand.”

“You already knew, didn't you? After I had been so obvious and even made you look troubled, I was still too selfish. I knew you were getting put off by my actions, of my attention, of my lame attempts at flirting. I knew I was crossing a line but I can’t help wanting to push my luck. I had hoped that you'd like me back so I kept trying so hard.”

“So when you kissed me?” he lets out a pained laugh, “God I was so happy, I thought I finally did it. But sitting in front of the piano made me remember how I left without a word, how I hurt you all those years, and it woke me up from my stupid dream. You could never love someone who once hurt you, I pushed my luck and forced you to do something you never wanted.”

Jisung finally sets his eyes on the figure before him, one so beautiful in his eyes that he almost couldn’t say the next lines he’s been rehearsing a thousand times. “And now I’m telling you, you don’t have to force yourself anymore. I’ll understand and I won’t go away,” he recalls Chenle’s words from before, “not returning my feelings doesn’t mean you’re letting me go okay? We’ll still be friends, I’ll stay by your side like I promised, and if you’ll allow me,” he pauses, biting his lip to contain a sob.

At last, he says, “If you’ll allow me, I’d be happy to continue loving you without ever expecting you to love me in return.”

It leaves Chenle speechless.

There’s the fact that Jisung confessed, that he’s been oblivious to Jisung’s signs, and that Jisung completely got the wrong idea. Chenle feels a headache coming.

What his heart feels is a different story though. His heart is practically soaring knowing that Jisung truly feels the same. Jisung loves him and he’ll risk getting hurt, squashing his own feelings, if it means he can still stay by Chenle’s side, because he knows that’s what Chenle wants the most. Little does Jisung know that he doesn’t have to hurt, they both don’t have to anymore. They finally reached this point, in the years they knew each other, where their feelings are starting to be clear.

After a minute of nothing but the sound of sobs in the air, Chenle fills it with laughter. “God you’re so dumb, this is so dumb,  _ we’re _ so dumb.”

It didn’t help at all in Jisung’s case whose tears still drip continuously with no end. “I didn’t ask you to insult me,” he responds with a croaky voice taking full offense.

“Jisung,” Chenle gently holds his face, bringing him nearer till their foreheads meet, “You said it yourself, what else could kissing you mean from me?”

Jisung burns up from the touch. “But I pushed you to the edge,” he grabs the hand trying to wipe his tears, “I forced that out of you.”

“You didn’t force anything on me, kissing you was my choice.” Chenle reluctantly admits it all and he, too, begins sporting a deep blush.

Jisung’s grip tightens. “Are you saying you’re dumb enough to like me back? After getting hurt?” He couldn’t believe what Chenle's implying, but his tone starts becoming laced with hope.

“Yah who’s insulting who now?” It’s Chenle’s turn to feel offended. He takes the opportunity to pinch Jisung’s cheek. “Why, do you plan on hurting me again?”

“No! I don’t want to hurt you again,” Jisung quickly rejects the thought. He sighs before adding, “But I can’t promise you anything.”

Chenle knows. He knows very well that the future has never been certain for them and for anyone for that matter. Jisung could leave him again. They could have more misunderstandings. The possibility of hurting each other again is real and it scares them both. But if an eleven year old waited all those years despite never knowing if the boy he loves will come back, then what’s stopping them, their mature, experienced selves, from the gamble that could be worth as much happiness as the possible pain.

Chenle just hums in response, releasing the skin he pinched to cup Jisung’s face once more. “Then maybe, maybe I really am dumb enough to take the risk,” he softly says.

Jisung’s breath hitches. He places another hand on top of Chenle’s lonely one, and carefully he asks, “Chenle, you really want me?” he leans till their noses touch and their eyes half-lid, “The same way I want you?”

Finally, Chenle breaks into a wide smile. “For seven long years Jisung, I’ve always wanted you.”

Their eyes close, lips fully meeting to seal everything with a kiss. After years and years of waiting, Chenle at long last gets the boy of his dreams.

_ All those years were worth it for this moment with you. _

-

_ Epilogue _

Jisung isn’t very dreamy after all, Chenle decides two weeks into their relationship. He had let his mushy feelings control him that he forgot Jisung is still Jisung, his lame clumsy best friend from next-door. He has been giving Jisung piano lessons since they started dating, and it has been going well until this very day Jisung apparently woke up wanting to make him suffer through a horrible session. The wrong notes, misplaced fingers and choppy playing make Chenle want to rip his hair out.

“If you keep this up, it’s over between us.”

Jisung snaps from whatever trance he was in. “Hey, that’s not fair!”

“Yeah? Tell me what’s got you so distracted then.”

He sighs facing the piano again, the action only makes Chenle unreasonably more annoyed. “Well, I know you quit piano because I left.”

Chenle just blinks at him in surprise, it’s not at all what he expected him to say. Jisung glances at his side. “Don’t deny, it’s obvious.”

What Jisung said only earns a raised eyebrow in response though. “So?”

“So now that things are,” he coughs, the ends of his lips slightly upturned, “ _ great  _ between us, don’t you want to go back? To the stage I mean, instead of just teaching me.”

Chenle doesn’t give it much thought. He laughs patting Jisung’s shoulder, “Don’t be guilty, quitting is still my choice no matter how much you affected me.” Before Jisung could cut him off, he adds, “Don’t deny, it’s obvious.”

His hand moves to pinch Jisung’s cheek. “And to be quite honest, I’m fine with the way things are, I got back into piano didn’t I? Just not on the stage.”

Jisung pouts. “You don’t miss the attention? The audience? The spotlight?” Chenle will never not find it endearing that Jisung worries this much for him.

He remembers the tiny wish he had when he was eleven. He chuckles, “I really don’t, everything’s okay now.” A radiant smile forms on his lips knowing that he finally has everything he wanted, and he really wouldn’t change it for the world.

Jisung’s eyes shift to gaze at his lips, he leans closer, and with a low enticing hum he says, “At least you’ll have me.”

_ And you’re all I’ll ever want. _

Chenle is nineteen now. His CSAT over, his graduation just around the corner, and his life still barely figured out. He also got himself a boyfriend, but whether they’ll go to the same university or not, he’s not sure and he hasn’t mustered up the courage to ask. It doesn’t matter though. Whether Jisung continues to live next-door, in the same house, or on the other side of the world, Chenle can finally be rest assured that Jisung will always find his way back to him.

Even if it may take weeks, months, or another seven years, they both will always find their way back, playing cheerful and rapid melodies in that not-so-cursed piano that has always been their place.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave some comments, I love reading them :))


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